Forbearance

by Brianna M. Hoyle

Chapter 1

It began in fire. It shall end in fire. I laid flat on my back, the hot sun searing its imprint into my body. The heat was unbearable, my skin shriveled and peeling beneath it. I wished myself dead if only to escape the flames that burned me so. This is not the most pleasant of places to begin my story, but I remember nothing before it. It began in fire. It shall end in fire.

I do not know how long I lay like that. Time meant nothing to me. I only knew the heat. The flames burned me alive and pressed me farther into the ground, scorching my figure into the sand. How long one can handle such heat, I do not know, but certainly I would have died like that had I been alone. But I was not alone.

I had begun to succumb to the longing desire of death, for it would mean freedom from this torturous flame, when something shaded me from the fierce rays above. It was a shadow, a shadow large enough to block the bright sun, to give my skin a moment of relief, a hint of respite in the harsh climate. In that brief span of time, my mind became awake to the world. The sand beneath me became noticeably gritty, each grain as a claw digging into my skin. I was weak, but I needed to see. With that shadow protecting me from the bright flames I lay beneath, I struggled to open my eyes. My eyelids, like the rest of my body, were heavy. I had only pitiful efforts against an exhaustion so palpable, it may as well have been a manifested being, pinning me to the ground.

I fought against it, tried to clear my mind, and when I had finally won, when I pushed it back and opened my eyes, I came face to face with a large creature that hovered over me. It took up most of my view. Large eyes as dark spheres in which the constellations of the galaxies were imprinted stared at me attentively from either side of a long head, gray and dappled with varying shades of spots. Tall ears that pointed outwards were far above the eyes, and in between those ears a tuft of dark hair fell, contrasting the grayness of the head. I went from knowing nothing but heat and fire, to looking up at this creature as it stared at me. My vision was not clear, but so close was this creature, I could make out the spots and each individual strand of dark hair that fell from between the two ears. My hand lifted of its own accord to gently stroke the face before me, for somehow I felt I knew this creature. And when my fingertips touched, all memory of who he was came back.

“Darioush!” I whispered. My voice was breathless and raspy, broken and cracking around a dry tongue, but he heard me. His large nose came down to my face and I felt his wet tongue on my lips. “Darioush, my darling Darioush…” I continued to whimper his name, fearing he would disappear, as a figment of my imagination. “Stay with me, Darioush, please…”

I desired the presence of one who was loyal, one who would not leave me. I knew not where I was or how I came to be here. My own name was irrelevant and I had not the mind to wonder of it, but Darioush was here, and he was the only one I cared for. He was the one who shaded me from the sun, who protected me in the moments when I could have slipped away. The heat was still there, the sand still clawed at my skin through my tunic, but I was not mindful of it. Darioush was with me, my dapple gray horse.

I could have died happily in that moment, knowing I was not alone, but if I was suffering in this heat, how much more did he suffer? He was large, taking up much more space than I. His skin may burn under those piercing rays, and I did not desire to see him in pain. I needed to find him shelter from the heat. I needed to stand.

Rolling over proved difficult. When the palm of my hand touched the sand, I cried out, for the heat made the tiny grains of sand as knives stabbing my fingers and nerves. Darioush was concerned over my anguish and nudged me once more with his nose.

“I am well, Darioush,” I said, my voice strained and barely audible, though I knew I lied. I was not well, nor would I be for some time. But I refused to die selfishly and leave my beloved horse alone in this desert. And a desert it was indeed. I remained with my stomach near the ground, my hands holding me up for a brief span of time. When I lifted my head to look out at where I found myself, I saw a great expanse of brown sand, stretching out and lifting up into dunes, then falling down into slopes. There was nothing more than the sand. It went on and on and on.

A grunt escaped me, no matter how hard I longed to keep it in. There was no sense in further worrying Darioush. I needed to stand. We needed to find some place where we could receive respite from this burning heat. I paused in my feeble attempt at standing upright to take in a breath and gather what little strength I possessed. Shoving that strength to all of my limbs, I rose and lifted my head to the sky, crying out in pain as I did so, for a burning sensation shot through every vein and nerve inside of me. I faltered, falling against Darioush.

My hands grabbed at the ropes of his saddle, tightening around them to keep myself in a standing position. My legs were stabbed by barbs as the blood began to flow once more. If my body was not so lacking in water, surely tears would have sprung to my eyes as the world spun around me and I felt pain in every way it was possible to feel it. A loud noise pounded in my head, my knees very nearly gave out, and it was only because Darioush shifted closer to me did I not fall back down to the sand.

Somehow, my feet managed to remain in position on the ground, holding me up as much as they could. I rested my forehead on Darioush’s saddle, looking down at my feet and waiting for my strength to once again build up to the minuscule amount I needed to simply function. My chest rose and fell and my labored breathing became the only sound I could hear. The sand did not claw at the bottoms of my feet as it had my hands, and now I saw that my feet were protected by shoes. Red shoes that curled up at the toes. The shoes had golden thread woven in swirling designs all over them. As for the rest of my body, I was draped in a long red tunic and wide-leg pants of the same color, which were cinched to my ankles by golden bands. A white sash was tied around my waist and trailing out several feet behind me. My fingers slowly reached to my shoulder where I felt a second material. Lightweight and woven of crisp white, it billowed around my neck.

I did not know where I was nor how I came to be here. My own name failed to come to me, any thought as to who I was simply nonexistent. The only thing I knew was Darioush. I knew he was loyal and that he was with me. I knew he was important to me, as I was to him by the way he patiently held me up. “Darioush… what shall become of us?” I whispered, resting the side of my head on his saddle. I looked down the length of his body to where his head was turned to face me. There was kindness in those eyes, a kindness no human could replicate. I knew what he said.

Worry not, my friend. Wherever we go, whatever we do… we shall be together.

“Darioush…” I whispered again, loving the sound of the name on my lips, the way it rolled gently off of my tongue. He responded every time I spoke it. His ears would twitch gently and he would watch me as if to say, Yes, I am still here, my friend. I knew not why, but I loved this creature for his loyalty. I knew him and I knew him well. Whatever had happened to me before, whatever led to me residing here in this desert, I knew only this: Darioush had not abandoned me. I owed him my life somehow. I would stay with him and take care of him for as long as I could.

I had stored at least some strength in my time of brief rest, and with that strength I lifted my head, looking around at the open expanse of desert that surrounded me on all sides. The sky was clear and blue, the sun a white ball of searing heat still bearing down on me. My eyes drifted to the ground and I saw the shape in the sand where I had been laying, noticing the tracks that told of where I had rolled over and struggled to my feet. Darioush’s hoof-prints surrounded the figure in the sand that had been my body. But most strange was a single item that lay off to the side, partially buried in the sand as though it had been tossed there. It was a saber, a curved blade saber, the smooth surface of its red leather scabbard reflecting the white sun. A tassel was tied around its hilt, the color of the frayed ends matching that of my raiment. It must be mine.

I moved in an unsteady fashion, more stumbling than walking toward the weapon. I fell to my knees before it and took it, a sense of familiarity pulsing through me as I adjusted my grip on the weapon to something that felt more natural. I lifted the saber and tucked it into my sash, the movement smooth. I had done it a thousand time before. This sword was familiar to me, as Darioush’s loyalty was. I could not explain it, but I knew that it was mine.

“Who am I, Darioush?” I asked of the horse which stood behind me. I stared out over the desert, seeing nothing more than sand and sky. No answer came to me. Who I had been before this was empty space.

I was tired again, but I could not rest. Darioush needed water, as did I. I struggled once more to my feet and moved to my horse. I would not mount him, for he did not deserve such discomfort. We would both walk until we reached shelter. I took his reins, the braided red rope that hung from his bridle, and I began to walk away from the place I had awoken. How long my strength would last me and how far I would go was a mystery, but I would walk until I could walk no more.