Forbearance

by Brianna M. Hoyle

Chapter 10

My gaze moved quickly to the Emir and saw he was watching me intently. Nadir looked as if someone had just punched him in the stomach.

“Then I… am…?” I said, trying to speak the language that I knew those in the room spoke.

“You are of the El-Ghazzawy Tribe,” Hakim said quietly.

“Therefore, you are my enemy,” the Emir said. “I cannot allow one of their tribe to walk freely around my city.”

As I stood in shock, trying to process what was being said to me, I stared at the table, realizing that I was in fact an enemy. I was of a tribe who desired to get rid of the Emir. I would be imprisoned for… whatever I may have possibly done before this.

Hakim stepped in front of me, placing himself between me and the Emir. “You cannot do that, your grace! She has no memory of herself! She does not know who she is!”

The Emir looked bored. “A likely story…” he said.

Nadir slowly sat down in his seat, putting his hand on the side of his head as he stared at the food before him. I stared at him for a moment, then I looked up at the Emir, not knowing what to say.

The guards moved towards me.

“No—!” Hakim said, moving to intercept.

“I do not desire to lock you up as well, Hakim,” the Emir warned. Hakim halted and stared at me as the two guard stepped behind me, each one grabbing an arm. The one on the left removed my saber from my sash. I felt numb, as though my knees would give out in the shock of the moment. I was with a tribe of raiders. I was a killer. I was someone who did not deserve to be cared for by a man such as Hakim, a man who had given me a name that meant something when I did not remember my own. Perhaps I felt I had been in this place before because, as I raider, I had done these things before. Perhaps I had poisoned princes and princesses and nobles many times. I was to be imprisoned until it was decided what to do to me. I worried for Darioush and what would become of him. I hoped with all that was within me Hakim would care for him. At least of the two of us, he deserved Hakim’s love.

The guards led me toward the door. I could not bring myself to turn around and see Hakim’s broken face as I was taken away. I faced forward, staring at Abdul-Fazl who looked as if he had just won a prize, arms crossed over his chest, a pleased smirk playing on his lips. I tore away from his gaze and let my eyes wander to the rugs below my feet.

It came to me suddenly and my head snapped up to look at Abdul-Fazl.

“How knew you that Darioush was a grey?!” I asked.

Silence settled in the room as the reasoning behind my question took root in the minds of those around me. The young boy stood to his feet and pointed at Abdul. “Yes!” he cried. “None of us have seen her horse and you have been in this house all this day and yesterday! You could not have seen her when she first arrived in Idris and no one has mentioned it!”

Abdul-Fazl’s face went white again and he looked around, caught in his own lie. The pieces fit into place in my mind. If he knew the horse, he knew me. If he knew me, he knew the tribe of El-Ghazzawy. And why would a man of Idris be friendly with that tribe? And why was he pretending not to know me? The only reason was that he worked alongside the tribe in their quest to overthrow the current Emir of this province. It had failed in the beginning, so he had plans to finish the job at this dinner. Both times I had unknowingly intercepted his plans.

“You do know me!” I exclaimed.

He did not waste any time as his expression morphed from fear to anger. “You have been nothing but trouble for me from the beginning,” he growled. He turned around and ran from the room.

But my instincts were just as quick. I snatched my saber from the guard who had taken it, his grip having slackened in the shock of the moment. I ran after Abdul.

“Sabriyya!” Hakim’s voice called after me, but I did not stop. Abdul-Fazl had abandoned me. I had no intentions of allowing him to leave before he faced the consequences of his actions.

As I turned the corner, I came face to face with the manservant who had carried the bowl of fruit. The poison must have been hidden in a bottle amongst the fruit. Under command of his master, no doubt, he had come to stop me and allow Abdul-Fazl to escape. In his hand was a sword, one a servant most certainly would not own. I heard footsteps behind me and knew the guards were coming. They could take care of him. With a growl, I lifted my saber and took a swing at him. When he lifted his arms to parry the strike, I ducked beneath his arm and passed him, running at full speed.

I followed after the escaping man, hearing his footsteps and seeing a brief glimpse of him around different corners. He would have escaped out of the front door, but the young servant girl who had helped me earlier was just stepping out of the hallway with a pile of cushions and crashed into him. They both went to the ground as the cushions went airborne.

I ran and grabbed him by the front of his tunic, jerking him to his feet and throwing him back into the house away from the front door. “Get somewhere safe. Quickly!” I told the servant girl. With a whimper, she ran from the room.

I faced Abdul-Fazl, glaring down at him. “You left me in the desert,” I growled.

He stood up, his hand on the back of his head from where he had crashed into a small chest. There was a cruel smile on his face. “We must be destined for each other. No matter how I try to lose you, you always reappear.” He pulled a knife from under his robes. “I know you, so I can beat you.”

I felt anger well up in my chest at this man who I had followed, a man who left me behind. “Why?” I asked, pointing my weapon at him. My fingers were tight around the hilt as I tried to keep them from trembling. “Why leave me?”

“You were the trouble maker,” he said. His eyes, honey brown and narrow, were laughing at me. “Talking too much and sticking your nose everywhere. But, oh so good at what you did. Loyal to me. I believe you loved me at one point.”

Bile rose in my throat and I had to choke it down. I could not allow my disgust at ever thinking I would love this wretched creature take my focus. He was a trickster, no doubt. And not the same kind of lovable rascal as Hakim and Jalil. This man, this Abdul-Fazl was a betraying piece of scum.

“Oh, yes. You loved me.” He smiled, standing up straight and balancing his knife on his fingers, flipping the blade nonchalantly as he spoke. “Though I’ll never know if it was romantic, since you always seemed to look at me as your god, your ruler. You adored me. It’ll be a shame to lose that, but ridding myself of your clingy nature should prove reward enough. Maybe you’ll remember your roots one day, remember who taught you everything you know. Who gave you your precious Darioush!”

I could not believe that. I refused to believe that Darioush, my sweet and loyal Darioush, was a gift from this snake. Hatred flooded my eyes and blurred my vision. Everything turned red. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to remove his existence from off the face of the earth, wipe his memory from my mind, cleanse the world from his wretched stain.

My blade came towards him and clashed painfully with his.

“I told you~” he laughed. “I know you!”

Seething rage continued to push me forward and I continued to fight him, moving forward as my blade went before me. I wanted to skewer him alive, make him pay for the torture he put me threw. My blows became faster and he became less talkative as he struggled to keep up with me. I was not the same as he thought. He had never faced me when I was this angry. I had never turned this emotion on him. I wish I never knew him. I wish he never existed.

He dodged out of the way of my blade and I had to turn to face him again. I never paused in my attack, finding a reserve of energy I did not know that I had, but of which I put to good use.

“So much anger!” he admonished. “You’ll only hurt yourself.”

“Not as much as you hurt me!” I spat, thinking of burning alive in the barren wilderness.

He ducked beneath one of my wilder swings, but in his haste to do so, crashed into a pedestal that held up several candles. They toppled over, the light from the candle quickly catching the nearby cushion ablaze. The fire spread quickly, but I did not think about it. I only thought of ending the life of the miserable being before me.

Someone screamed fire, but I did not hear them. I could not see the flames. The only flames I knew were the ones burning in my heart, the hole that was seared into me. I hated this man with everything I could muster. He had led me astray and tried to kill me, leaving me for dead on the back side of the desert. When that did not work, he planned to have me blamed for another of his despicable acts. He existed, and in his existence, my previous self had loved him. My brainwashed self who knew nothing else. Now, in this present time, I hated him and I wanted him to never have been born. He had tainted my world that could have been lovely.

The flames were rising and people were yelling. I did not care. Abdul-Fazl tried to escape but I would not let him. I grabbed him by the back of his robe and threw him once more against the wall. The fire had spread. I was surrounded by the flames. The heat came again. I wanted to see him burn. I wanted him to feel what I had felt laying on the desert sand, ready to die I was in such desire for respite.

Abdul tried to stand, but I shoved him back to the floor with my foot. He was beaten and bruised. The cushions around me were burning, the flames catching on to anything it could, licking at everything. The smoke filled the air and my eyes watered, but I was too angry to feel the sting. Abdul-Fazl would die by the hand of the one he was trying so hard to kill. My eyes would be the last thing he saw, my eyes full of hate. I owned these flames. I had been nearly devoured by them at one point. Now they would heed the words of their master and burn alive this wretched soul. Abdul-Fazl would be burned and he would be alive to see it happen.

But I thought of Hakim and his stricken expression, his caring eyes, and his loving hand. Hakim would not want me to be a killer. Hakim did not believe that I was the same person I had been before. To Hakim, I was not a member of the tribe of El-Ghazzawy. I was not a raider, nor a killer. I was not a deceptive follower of this cruel person before me. To Hakim I was Sabriyya. I was a stranger in need of compassion.

I realized that killing Abdul, watching him burn… that would not satisfy me. I would still live knowing I had once followed and admired him. He would continue to haunt me even from the ashes of his grave, should I allow him to die. The person I was before Hakim rescued me no longer existed. I was not her. Whoever I had been, whatever I had done, whatever my name was… she had died long ago, left to wander the wilderness. Right now, I was Sabriyya. And Sabriyya did not search for the easy way out of her problems. Sabriyya faced them.

Abdul-Fazl had used me and left me to die. But I would not stoop to his level and kill him when that would solve nothing. I do not think I could have faced Hakim if I did.

My lungs filled with smoke. I coughed and gagged, my vision blurring as the heat became real to me. I needed to escape. The house was on fire. Grabbing Abdul-Fazl’s tunic, I dragged the unconscious man from the room. Pushing through the blaze and beating back the flames as well as I could, yet still they managed to sting me with their fiery tongues. I ran for the front door where I heard screams and cries of people outside.

My name was called as I struggled blindly through the smoke. I pushed onward, bearing the flames that I knew had a hold of me. I deserved them for behaving like an absolute pig.

“Sabriyya!”

I coughed again, my lungs screaming at being enveloped by the smoke. Strong hands wrapped around me. I released Abdul-Fazl’s tunic and fell into an embrace.

“Sabriyya, my child!”

I cried, though if it be from the smoke or the emotional pain that scarred me, I know not. I fell to my knees and my saber clattered to the cobblestone. I could not see and I could barely hear above the voices shouting as people rushed to put out the fire that had been started by my fight with Abdul-Fazl. I felt night air around me and someone holding me up. I knew it was Hakim who held me and I clenched to his tunic, burying my face in him. His hand rested in my hair and held me tight. I stayed like that for as long as I could, wanting to remain here in this safe haven.

“Hakim… Hakim, I am sorry…” I told him between sobs. My entire body shuddered. I had no strength to stand.

“Shush, my child. Quiet, now. It matters not.”

He held me firmly. I felt the heat from the flames on my back, but it began to lessen as I was gently pulled away from the burning structure. The chaos in my head began to calm in spite of everything rushing around me. I was at peace in Hakim’s embrace.

“Sabriyya?”

I looked up, seeing Hakim’s eyes watching me, searching my face. He wanted to know who I was, he wanted to know if I had succumbed to the anger that threatened to send me back to the woman I had been before.

“Yes, Hakim?” I said, tears streaming my smudged face.

That was all he needed to hear. He needed to hear me respond to my name, the name he had given me. He smiled and brushed curls out of my face. “You are, indeed, Sabriyya. My forbearing child.” He pressed his lips to my forehead in a gentle kiss. “Never forget it.”

I held on to him longer, my fingers clutching to the fabric of his tunic. I realized we were sitting on the ground, my entire body almost completely in his lap. He was seated, holding me still, his hand gently arranging my curls as he hummed soothing words.

“Are you all right?”

The servant girl was kneeling down beside me. Her face was smudged with soot, but other than that she appeared unharmed.

“I am well, thank you,” I told her, still leaning against Hakim.

I heard laughing behind me, deep, scornful laughter.

“You shall never be well!” Abdul-Fazl said. He was bruised and battered from our fight, covered in soot and cuts. He was being held by one of the Emir’s guards, but this did not keep him from talking. He must have regained consciousness sometime after I had dragged him and myself out of the house.

I stood to my feet, Hakim standing with me, still with his arm around me. I stared at Abdul-Fazl with pity. He had lost the one person who had cared for him. But I could not pity him greatly, for it was his actions ultimately who killed her. I was not the woman I had been before, and I said as much. I did not register those who stood around outside under the night sky in the shadow of the blazing house. The fire was coming under control as buckets of water from the well were thrown onto the flames, subduing their reign.

It seemed that most everyone from the house had made it out, the Emir, his wife and sons, the other guests—including the woman who had clung to Abdul-Fazl—the manservants and servant girls, and the guards. But I did not see them right now. I only saw Abdul.

“You will never be well,” he repeated, sounding more sinister than he had a moment ago. “Some day your memories shall find you. Ah, that shall be the day! You shall remember every vile thing you have ever done!”

“I am not her anymore,” I said. “She is dead.”

“You were my most dedicated follower.” He continued as though I had said nothing. “Ah, you took after me. It was deplorable, seeing you whimper into the room this evening, hiding behind that old man when I have seen you successfully seduce many a person in a single night.”

My face twisted into a look of horror.

“Oh, yes! You were the one who got information, and you could get it by any means necessary!” He laughed loudly. “When you remember how you have deceived those around you, how you threw yourself at the feet of men, when you recall how you became a vixen in the night and slit their throats for their jewels, you will not be able to live with yourself!”

“No!” I screamed, covering my ears and backing away from him. I did not want to hear of what I had once been.

“Yes! You were a killer! My best one, oh, but you became too greedy. You wanted more than you were worth. I had to be rid of you. You were going to give away my raid.”

Tears came to my eyes as he spoke of the person who I did not remember and things I did which I could not recall.

“You were going to kill the Amirzade yourself and take the prize the El-Ghazzawy offered. I knew then that you had to die. Such a shame. Your millions of killings and seductions were a record you were quite proud of. Perhaps you will remember in time. And I hope you do! I hope you suffer under the weight of your sins! I hope you—!”

The hiss of metal was directly accompanied by Nadir’s firm command. “Enough.” His sword rested on Abdul-Fazl’s neck. His eyes were dark and emitting an aura that proved dangerous. Abdul-Fazl silenced.

The Emir stepped forward, flanked by two more of his guards. “Take him to a cell. He shall await trial for his crimes.”

As they took him away, I covered my face with my hands. Hakim held me once more as I cried for the disgusting creature I had once been. I did not want to believe the things I had once been capable of, but they were the truth. Abdul-Fazl gained nothing by lying about what I might remember.

“Shush, Sabriyya,” Hakim told me.

“But I… I am a wicked person…”

“No,” he said firmly. “That woman does not exist. She is gone, never to return. You shall from now on be Sabriyya. You are my daughter.”

I could not believe my fortune in encountering the kindest man in the world immediately after losing all memory of who I was. I embraced him back. “Thank you, Hakim,” I whispered. And I meant it with all of my heart. He had rescued me. “Thank you.”